Destiny

potential expiration date vs a definite expiration date. How does one meet the other? Is it pre-determined? Does our free will float us through the 'potential' to an inevitable demise, or is the 'end' merely a result of the accumulation of past actions?

One of my favourite quotes: Be careful of your thoughts, they will become your words. Be careful of your words, they will become your actions. Be careful of your actions, they will become your habits. Be careful of your habits, they become your character, and be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.

I love this quote. It creates a very real image, one that puts the individual in the driving seat of hiw own life. This idea of the way life is assembled holds the individual accountable for his own actions- responibility and awareness are key values in this idealogy.

But then there is the idea that some things are meant to happen, and were meant to happen, inevitably. wow. thats a very scary idea to me. It makes me think what would be the real purpose or point of this life, if we were merely spectators of our game and not actual ball players?

Still, there are moments we encounter or find ourselves in which are far too surial to comprehend. Serendipity. Coincidence. 'Godincidence'. Epiphany. We come up with many terms to help define these moments- still, when they happen, when we are found in an exact place and time within space which dramatically effects the future- denying its gravity is ignorance. and calling it something less than what it is would be disrespect.

In short, we are all destined to the same place, that is, death. It is our common denominator, and it binds all men together. (not to be morbid but) We are born alone and leave alone...our relationship with this beautiful world is an ephemeral one to say the least. Needless to say, our time here is not only short...it is counted. The question is- are we allowed to change the counter? Are we in control of the clock? Or has everything already been meticuluosly pre-cursed? If I were to throw myself in front of a car today, or skip work, was it already meant to be? I'd like to think not. But sometimes, its hard not to wonder "wow. I did NOT get here on my own...there might be something else happening"

Age

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.....i just dont see me making it to 71. 78. I couldnt even imagine being 90+. I'm shaking my head just thinking about it...I mean, if i'm cranky and irritated about everything now I dont think i want to be around that long to bitch and moan. Its just gonna take too much energy. I say mid 60s...68 tops- and even that idea exhausts me.

Patience is the name of the game

I love playing poker. Its a very exciting and rewarding game...you can learn a lot about other people through game play and also find out quite a bit about yourself. I can say without a doubt it is a game of character, and how it not only holds up under varying pressure, but how ones actions and intentions evolve as the game progresses. If there is one thing that I have learned about myself through the cards, its that I lack patience.


At times I want it all and I want it now. Instant gratification is not an option or point of view, its the only way to perceive. As a result, items, moments, everything- they become less enjoyable.


Its difficult to slow down, especially living in an environment that is constantly edging the individual towards the idea that more is better and it's never enough. I think we can agree that the "bigger faster stronger" mentality is an accepted norm of our American social ideology...a corner stone of the capitalist way. However I'm beginning to talk about to different things because impatience alone is not the vice we should fear- it is the combination of impatience and the loss of appreciation. One is the product of the other and vice-verse.


it is easy for me to get very bored very quickly with anything and everything. Why? Because its just never enough. And even when it is enough, if even for a little while, its the idea of more that drives ambition. Its a deadly cycle that continues producing ongoing dissatisfaction and sadness...eventually even depression. I really do believe that many of the issues American men and women have with happiness and depression stem from this socially accepted value system and way of living...because lets be honest- this bullshit point of view was made by guys in suits who wanted to gorge the economy- may it be at the cost of starving and robbing the individual of fulfillment.


Solution? Boycott. I look around at the things I have, the people that surround me, and I count my blessings. I am truly blessed and this life is a gift. What more could I want? Despite all the smack Ive just talked...and the fucked up problems we have...I really do believe this is the greatest country in the world. I'm extremely full. And when I realize I'm full, I am no longer impatient or unsatisfied or unappreciative. (and just to tie ends here with my poker intro...) I don't get crazy with my hand and risk all my chips on an irrational move- I simply take one last look, fold my hand, and wait for the next one. Hey...who knows, the Aces might be the next hand.